What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

True - how I loved my mum!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

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Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do you know what she said mum?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Why are white women dating more black guys than ever?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Did sharing a wife turn out okay?

What! how could you do that?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What do you mean son?

How does it feel to have sex with a 40 year old curvy aunty?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”